onlinedragonsgame | Test Drive Meme #0

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Test Drive Meme #0

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Legend has it that the god Henir endured Ragnarok, and afterwards created a place where there is no limitation of time and space. Here, she is able to see the rise and fall of the world. Should you reach this place, by Henir's force, you are bound to face the enemies you have met in the past and those you are destined to meet in the future.

Henir's Time And Space

You awake into darkness, surrounded by impossible geometry and an unnerving thrum that fills the cold air. Strange shapes move in the distance, drifting between labyrinthine paths that bend and twist into an endless, senseless maze. Gravity seems to be merely a suggestion, and you'll quickly find that any surface is fine for walking on—sideways, upsidedown, it doesn't matter as long as you're not thinking too hard about it. In a world of raw chaos, the only rule that matters is your willingness to press on. Just don't step too carelessly—one wrong move, and you could end up spinning down (up?) into an endless abyss, lost forever in time and space.

The air is cold, and the longer you stay here the more it feels like that chill will never leave... this isn't a place where mortals should be. Regardless of how you arrived in this place, you'd best make your way back out soon.

... but you're not alone in this alien world. There are others here like yourself, and it never hurts to have a few allies in a strange place like this.

There are also a number of strange... objects? Creatures? Monsters? Whatever you want to call them, they're not terribly friendly and "speak" only in terrifying, unnatural screeches. They seem territorial, which is a problem in a world where space itself follows no logical sense. At least they seem to lose interest once a target it out of their sights(?), and they can be killed(??) if you hit them enough times with something sharp or heavy... if you can't defend yourself, it's better to just keep your distance. There's a lot of sharp edges on those weird things, they seem to be fully aware of that fact.

Somewhere off in the distance you can hear a whale-like cry, followed by a giant shadow that flies past too quickly to see... that one, you probably shouldn't try to fight.

Walking In Circles, Squares And Triangles

No matter which way you go, you never seem to make any progress in finding a way out... and eventually, even the senseless scenery starts to look familiar again. You're not going to get anywhere just by looking around.

But it's on this second pass through that you finally stumble upon something new. Seated comfortably in the middle of the path is a strange man in an iron mask, bound in rusted chains. He is holding... a very dainty tea cup, which appears to be completely empty. He looks up as you approach, waving in a friendly manner.

Mysterious Masked Man

Ah, there you are! I was starting to wonder if you'd died already. Come, come, take a seat. You must be tired from all that running around!

You're an adventurer, aren't you? Yes? No? Ah, well, it's never too late to start! Don't worry about the details. Hmm, let me try a different question... you want to leave this place, don't you? Henir's Time and Space isn't exactly friendly to ones like yourself. Besides, it's starting to get a little... crowded, one might say. I think it'd be beneficial to all of us if you and your little friends went somewhere else, don't you agree?

Kukuku, that's more like it. Why don't we make a deal? You do something for me, and I'll see to it that you can escape this place in one piece. That's fair, don't you think?

Hmm? Who am I? Oh, no one important! Not anymore, that is. You can call me Glave. Come find me again when you're ready. I'll gladly put you to work.

Introduce yourself to the locals!

"You see those shape-like creatures over there? They're not the best for conversation, but you could say they're the natives of this world. The long ones are called Chaos Triangle, and the ones that spin in place are Chaos Circle and Chaos Square. Why don't you start by introducing yourself? Of course, they respond best to acts of extreme violence, so you'd best go in prepared. When you're done playing, bring me back the core of each one and I'll give you something good."
• Defeat Chaos Triangle, Chaos Circle and Chaos Square.
• They're not the toughest of enemies to fight... but they can still smack you pretty hard, they have sharp edges, and they don't like strangers. You can't reason with them and they don't seem to understand speech. Also, the Triangles skitter. It's kind of creepy.
• After striking the final blow, the Chaos creatures will collapse into their polygonal components and leave behind their core (a sphere, cube, or pyramid). Bring back one of each to Glave to complete this quest.

I didn't lose my marbles, but...

"You're not much of a fighter, are you? Or maybe you're just pretending so you can get the easier job... kukuku, who am I to judge? Very well, not everything requires brute force to accomplish. Let's see... well, I did happen to drop something earlier. A pair of blue cubes, about an inch across each side. I think it was somewhere... oh, maybe over there? I'm busy at the moment, so how about you find them for me?"
• Find Glave's two missing cubes.
• His directions are awful to the point of being useless, and they blend in with all the other glowing blue surfaces around here. This might actually be impossible, but try your best.
• Was this a trick to make you go away while he bothered someone else? ... maybe! But hey, it wouldn't hurt to try, right? There's tons of blue cubes just floating around, so maybe you can just find a pair that's almost the same...

To submit quest results, please leave a comment here.

Lamp Oil? Rope? Bombs?

Glave's offer is tempting, if suspicious, but he's not the only one who seems familiar with this place. Somewhere deeper in the endless maze is another such person, standing at the centre of a wide platform bereft of monsters or chaos-creatures... a rest area, if you will. The woman smiles, checking something off on the long scroll in her hands.

Mysterious Woman

Welcome! I'm Helen. We sell necessities for travellers... oh, I'm sorry. Normally I only sell items for ED, but these are trying times. It's alright, let me see what you have and we'll work something out.

Leaving this place? I'm afraid that's outside of my control. I'm just a simple travelling merchant. You'd be better off trying to convince someone like Glave. He can be a bit troublesome, but he's not so bad once you get to know him.

Who would say no to free samples?

"Since you're helping Glave, why don't you take a couple of my potions? It's bad for business if my customers get hurt. If you give one of them to someone else, I'll consider that a favour to myself. Let me know how it goes, and I'll see what I can do to make Glave see reason."
• Find a traveller in need and give them a healing potion! It tastes like Tylenol, but it sure does work.
• Or just lie. Drink both of them yourself! What's the worst that could happen?
• Show Helen that everyone is working hard to escape and she'll knock some sense into Glave.

You can't go to Elrios without a bit of whaling.

"Actually... there is something else you could help me with. I run a fishing business on the side, you see, and I've heard tales of a great Leviathan that roams this space. I've always wondered if other fish might've ended up here as well. I'll let you have this rod, and if you find anything that looks like a fish, let me know."
• Go fishing... in space!!
• There is no water here, it only kind of looks stupid.
• If you keep at it for long enough, you might actually fish something up... or maybe you'll just hook one of the Chaos creatures. Try not to get killed!
• What is that whale sound, anyway? Maybe you can bait it out...?

To submit quest results, please leave a comment here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ OOC: prose & action both welcome! FYI he’s also a CRAU, but personality-wise remains largely the same as he’d been in canon. Here’s a quick summary of his changes. ]

i. That sluggard isn’t even drinking a proper cup of tea!

Ugh, it’s just typical that he’d get flung into one of these strange pocket dimensions or whatever again. He’ll have to have words with Add as soon as possible—at this point he wouldn’t put it past Add to shove his longsuffering butler here whilst he continues to shirk responsibility.

And Jakob still has so much cleaning up to do!

And now some weirdo’s sending him on a fetch quest? He’s almost certain that that stranger is in fact Add in disguise, but being too annoyed to care either way, he’s already set about trying to hunt down those strange geometric monstrosities.

The truly aggravating part of all this is that he can’t do it alone. Ugh, working with people.

But what choice does he have? Hence why he calls out to the first person he comes across:

“You there! Can you fight?”

ii. A bargain’s a bargain

Have you been injured somehow? Fear not, for Jakob happens to be a healer and he’s stocked up on some of Helen’s potions. Be afraid.

And while he would love to save his limited magics for truly dire cases, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be trapped in this strange chaotic world. And, like it or not, he also can’t actually just leave someone bleeding out here all alone.

He’s not exactly sure when he’d developed some vague sense of compassion, but he sure doesn’t like it.

And you might not have much choice but to accept his help—be it some basic first aid or when he presses that healing potion to your lips.

“Drink up. It’s nothing like a good cup of tea, but I suppose we’ll have to make do.”

iii. Wildcard!
Hit me up with whatever!

There was already plenty to dislike about this place, and she hadn't even been here for a minute. Just the look of it was dreary, dark and gloomy and weird and downright hideous. It didn't even have the charm of ancient technology to it, something she knows quite a few people would greedily eat up the chance to explore. Well, they might still enjoy this, but it certainly isn't Azure's scene.

Especially not when she was in the middle of a roadtrip. Her (stolen) car better still be in one piece when she gets back.

She hadn't even gotten the chance to actually let it all sink in when this guy comes out of nowhere, picking a fight with her. That's the only reason he'd ask out of the blue, right?

She swings her gun off her shoulder and quickly grips the handle, pointing the barrel towards him.

"Tsk. Not cute at all. Where are your manners, boy?"

That boy comment gets him to double take, and flash her a withering glare.

“I beg your pardon?”

He marches toward her, not at all caring that there’s a dangerous weapon pointed his way. It’s nothing compared to the dangerous toys he’s seen Add wield, but his profoundly feckless god isn’t here right now. He might even be laughing at him from behind the screen in some dark, ill-lit room for all Jakob knows.

But he’ll have to crawl out of this dark void to find out.

He reaches up, gently nudging the gun aside, his other hand empty, albeit he’s ready to whip out a few daggers cunningly hidden in his sleeves if she does prove too hostile.

“Ugh, never mind that. You want to escape from this unpleasantness, yes?”

One doesn't wield a gun that big without people thinking she'd be incapacitated without it. It's a great weapon, for sure, but the drawbacks had to be made up for by quick reflexes. Ones she's not showing for now, unfazed by him pushing aside the head. She narrows her eyes, cautious even as she considers his risk profile.

Confident, almost arrogant. He's not taking her lightly, but she's not sure what he has on him so she errs on the side of caution. He looks-- well, pissy, but she's not sure she'd consider it dangerous yet.

What does stick out are the words he says.

"Oh? You know what's going on here, then?"

Lucky, except luck wasn't something you just trust, not with such nice timing.

“Unfortunately, I can make a very accurate guess.”

But she seems suspicious of him—as evidenced by the gun she isn’t putting down—and he can’t even blame her. However, neither of them seem to have much choice in terms of partners, do they? Jakob isn’t even sure he’ll come across another human being in this annoying place.

“But more importantly, time is of the essence, so I’ll be blunt. I need your help to escape. Once we’re both free, we can go our separate ways. Are these terms acceptable?”

"My, I so don't like it when I'm being rushed. You must scare off your dates all the time."

She narrows her eyes a little less, the corners crinkling as she smiles. It's not a nice smile, sickly sweet in the way that it's obvious she's not all that happy with the response.

"What do you know first? Then I'll consider whether it's worth my time, hm?"

His eye twitches at the word date, but he’s trying to keep his temper down. He hates having to work with people like this—especially testy ones like she’s turning out to be—but the matter is urgent, and deep down he’s terribly worried that the likely instigator to this whole mess has hurt himself in the doing of it.

…Ugh. The things he does in the name of service…

“My master, Add, governs the forces of chaos. I’m afraid this world we’re in is his handiwork, and I need to find him and stop him before it gets any worse.”

None of this is actually a secret anyway, but he feels deeply irritated at even telling her this, somehow. Ugh. Is she happy now?

... Well, that's unexpected.

"Oh? And what reason does your master have to do all this?"

She doesn't think he's lying, if onlt because he's so irate about the whole thing that it's hard to think he's faking it. However, that just makes her have more questions.

She does lower her gun, just a little. Less tense, though still cautious.

“Probably out of simple curiosity, knowing him.” Said with a scoff, as if anyone can ever truly comprehend what goes on through that annoying little head of his. It’s one thing to be babysitting a god, but quite another when said god doesn’t even take his responsibilities seriously.

“Well? Are you satisfied?”

"Only if I'm allowed to shoot him."

She doesn't completely accept it, but since he's not trying to cover it up, she supposed that's reason enough to trust his words. Besides, that's just terrible to admit so he has balls to be so upfront about how his master is.

Even if it makes him utterly suspicious. She doesn't dislike that though.

"So, what do you need me to do?"

“Out of the question.”

His gaze hardens. She might very well be joking about the shooting him bit, but Jakob unfortunately has next to no sense of humor.

“He is my responsibility. I won’t let anyone else lay a finger on him.”

"He's gone ahead and kidnapped me. You should've kept a better eye on your charge."

Too bad, negotiations broke down so quickly. She seriously hates these noble types and their servants, especially when they're this demanding but still thinks they should be the ones to take control of everything.

She doesn't raise her gun again, but she shrugs her coat higher, lets it drape over her shoulders as she starts to walk off.

"Deal's off then. I'm not going to play this silly game."

“Have it your way, then.”

He won’t stop her from leaving, though he’ll make a mental note to keep track of her all the same. He won’t tolerate anyone trying to shoot down his silly charge, especially when all this is likely some equally foolish accident. Add may be many things, but he’s not usually petty enough to kidnap a complete stranger like this one.

Ugh, what a waste of time. He turns around and marches off in the opposite direction.

Deeper into the void and away from all the others he finds... (an) Add! He's laying on his back at the edge of a cube, arms spread out and legs hanging over the edge. From a distance, he might even look injured... but no, he's just tired, and also he doesn't care about getting out of here. He lives here.

If he notices Jakob's approach, there's no reaction. He seems content to just lay here and ignore all the bullshit going on until it sorts itself out without him.

Jakob hurries toward him the moment he spots the prone figure, all thoughts of scolding him for this latest misadventure gone and replaced with sheer terror at the thought that Add may be injured yet again.

“Add! Are you all right? Can you hear me? Wake up, Add!”

He was content to just ignore everything and relax here for awhile... but someone starts shouting his name. That's a little harder to ignore. He cracks an eye open, half-sitting himself up to see...

He has no idea who this guy is.

Add frowns, not quite scowling but still annoyed at being disturbed. He's grown used to "strangers" knowing him by name... but it's odd that this face isn't even a tiny bit familiar to him. A total blank. He's almost certain they've never met, so why is he talking in that weirdly concerned tone?

It's grating on his nerves... but it could also mean something more dangerous. He hesitates, wording his answer carefully.

"Stop yelling so loud, do you want to attract a Leviathan? I'm fine, obviously."

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Fortunately, he has his healing staff with him at all times for just such emergencies—he doesn’t wholly trust Helen and her concoctions just yet. But after closer scrutiny, he decides it’s best to take Add’s word for it.

For now.

“Then what, pray tell, are you doing out here?”

Instead of fixing your latest blunder goes unsaid, but is very much implied.

Alas, such implications are completely lost on this Add. Since when has he done anything that jeopardized the fabric of timespace (recently)?? He hasn't even had access to most of his abilities, so obviously he wouldn't be a suspect for this.

What is he doing out here? He folds his arms, staying on the floor for now.

"I belong in this world, unlike you... so what are you doing out here?" hell yeah it's like he's a professional question-dodger over here

His eye twitches.

Right. He’s still going to try and give Add the benefit of the doubt here. But his patience is wearing thin the more time they spend away from the Far Shore and all that community service they still have to do.

“I’m here to take you home,” he says evenly, still struggling to keep his temper in check. Something seems vaguely off here—Add isn’t even doing anything. Not experimenting with something strange and dangerous, nor trying to fulfill a prayer. He doesn’t appear to be ill, and yet he’s listless in a way that makes Jakob’s gut run cold. The feeling’s rather close to the time he’d found Add in a room with a bunch of his bodies.

“Now if you would be so kind as to bring as both home, I might be persuaded to let you have dessert before dinner.”

He likes to think he's very smooth and good at lying, but as soon as Jakob says home... he stares, frozen in disbelief before his expression starts to cloud over. He was ready to bluff his way out of this, maybe even impersonate this other-him for awhile just to fuck with them, but now it just feels like a joke at his own expense. Is reality itself trying to make fun of him now? Is he just going to keep running into other Adds that somehow got off better than him until he goes insane?

It pisses him off, and whoever this guy is he doesn't want anything to do with him now. Fuck this other Add and his stupid friend and their "home". He scoffs, looking away.

"And what makes you think you have a right to boss me around? I like it here, so I'm going to stay. Figure it out on your own if you want to leave so badly. I don't need a moron like you telling me what to do."

That stare could mean anything: he could be sick, or trying to trick him, or shirking punishment, or he got hit by something terrible out here, or this could be an illusion, or he could have lost his memory and reverted back to being a shinki, or it could be an impostor, or perhaps Add’s made more duplicates of himself…

Ugh, narrowing it all down will take forever, especially with Add being so uncooperative!

“You don’t like it here,” he says with finality, crossing his arms like he means business.

“And furthermore, you’re coming with me. I can’t have you moping about in such an unsightly place as this.”

Wow??? Not only did he completely ignore what Add said, now he's telling him how to feel, too?? What an asshole. Add scowls and pulls in his legs so he can cross those too, look at how much he wants to stay in this exact spot. He LOVES the void! He could stay here for the rest of eternity, no problem!!

"If you want me to move, then go ahead and make me."

At that, Jakob crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. His glare isn’t quite withering, but it’s certainly profoundly unamused; and to that sass he replies in a deathly flat tone of voice with:

“I am going to give you five seconds to reconsider this little fit of yours.”

Before Jakob will straight up just pick him up and walk away, because he absolutely does not have time to deal with this!!

Please, who do you think he is? Add would never reconsider his poor life choices.

which is why the second thing that happens is Jakob picking his lightweight ass up. Add somehow didn't think it would end this way. He is stunned into silence for several seconds before he starts trying to thrash free like an angry cat.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Put me down!" is he over a shoulder? under an arm? he's going to bitch either way. "I'm not going anywhere! Leave me alone!"

Add’s slung over his shoulder, because Jakob needs to keep one hand free to deal with any of those strange monsters they might pass by.

It sure would be a lot more helpful if somebody just summoned his dynamos or something out here.

“Do try to keep still,” he says, knowing that it’s futile to even bother saying as much. Add’s going to have his tantrums no matter what, and Jakob’s already grimly resigned to the thrashing. He’ll just have to deal with all of these if they have to enter combat.

“I’ll put you down as soon as we return home. Really, you ought to have learned a little more dignity as a god by now.”

Jakob | Fire Emblem: Fates | CRAU | OTA

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