Test Drive Meme #0

[coboservice]

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Legend has it that the god Henir endured Ragnarok, and afterwards created a place where there is no limitation of time and space. Here, she is able to see the rise and fall of the world. Should you reach this place, by Henir's force, you are bound to face the enemies you have met in the past and those you are destined to meet in the future.

Henir's Time And Space

You awake into darkness, surrounded by impossible geometry and an unnerving thrum that fills the cold air. Strange shapes move in the distance, drifting between labyrinthine paths that bend and twist into an endless, senseless maze. Gravity seems to be merely a suggestion, and you'll quickly find that any surface is fine for walking on—sideways, upsidedown, it doesn't matter as long as you're not thinking too hard about it. In a world of raw chaos, the only rule that matters is your willingness to press on. Just don't step too carelessly—one wrong move, and you could end up spinning down (up?) into an endless abyss, lost forever in time and space.

The air is cold, and the longer you stay here the more it feels like that chill will never leave... this isn't a place where mortals should be. Regardless of how you arrived in this place, you'd best make your way back out soon.


... but you're not alone in this alien world. There are others here like yourself, and it never hurts to have a few allies in a strange place like this.

There are also a number of strange... objects? Creatures? Monsters? Whatever you want to call them, they're not terribly friendly and "speak" only in terrifying, unnatural screeches. They seem territorial, which is a problem in a world where space itself follows no logical sense. At least they seem to lose interest once a target it out of their sights(?), and they can be killed(??) if you hit them enough times with something sharp or heavy... if you can't defend yourself, it's better to just keep your distance. There's a lot of sharp edges on those weird things, they seem to be fully aware of that fact.


Somewhere off in the distance you can hear a whale-like cry, followed by a giant shadow that flies past too quickly to see... that one, you probably shouldn't try to fight.

Walking In Circles, Squares And Triangles

No matter which way you go, you never seem to make any progress in finding a way out... and eventually, even the senseless scenery starts to look familiar again. You're not going to get anywhere just by looking around.

But it's on this second pass through that you finally stumble upon something new. Seated comfortably in the middle of the path is a strange man in an iron mask, bound in rusted chains. He is holding... a very dainty tea cup, which appears to be completely empty. He looks up as you approach, waving in a friendly manner.

Mysterious Masked Man

Ah, there you are! I was starting to wonder if you'd died already. Come, come, take a seat. You must be tired from all that running around!

You're an adventurer, aren't you? Yes? No? Ah, well, it's never too late to start! Don't worry about the details. Hmm, let me try a different question... you want to leave this place, don't you? Henir's Time and Space isn't exactly friendly to ones like yourself. Besides, it's starting to get a little... crowded, one might say. I think it'd be beneficial to all of us if you and your little friends went somewhere else, don't you agree?

Kukuku, that's more like it. Why don't we make a deal? You do something for me, and I'll see to it that you can escape this place in one piece. That's fair, don't you think?

Hmm? Who am I? Oh, no one important! Not anymore, that is. You can call me Glave. Come find me again when you're ready. I'll gladly put you to work.

Introduce yourself to the locals!

"You see those shape-like creatures over there? They're not the best for conversation, but you could say they're the natives of this world. The long ones are called Chaos Triangle, and the ones that spin in place are Chaos Circle and Chaos Square. Why don't you start by introducing yourself? Of course, they respond best to acts of extreme violence, so you'd best go in prepared. When you're done playing, bring me back the core of each one and I'll give you something good." • Defeat Chaos Triangle, Chaos Circle and Chaos Square. • They're not the toughest of enemies to fight... but they can still smack you pretty hard, they have sharp edges, and they don't like strangers. You can't reason with them and they don't seem to understand speech. Also, the Triangles skitter. It's kind of creepy. • After striking the final blow, the Chaos creatures will collapse into their polygonal components and leave behind their core (a sphere, cube, or pyramid). Bring back one of each to Glave to complete this quest.

I didn't lose my marbles, but...

"You're not much of a fighter, are you? Or maybe you're just pretending so you can get the easier job... kukuku, who am I to judge? Very well, not everything requires brute force to accomplish. Let's see... well, I did happen to drop something earlier. A pair of blue cubes, about an inch across each side. I think it was somewhere... oh, maybe over there? I'm busy at the moment, so how about you find them for me?" • Find Glave's two missing cubes. • His directions are awful to the point of being useless, and they blend in with all the other glowing blue surfaces around here. This might actually be impossible, but try your best. • Was this a trick to make you go away while he bothered someone else? ... maybe! But hey, it wouldn't hurt to try, right? There's tons of blue cubes just floating around, so maybe you can just find a pair that's almost the same...

To submit quest results, please leave a comment here.

Lamp Oil? Rope? Bombs?

Glave's offer is tempting, if suspicious, but he's not the only one who seems familiar with this place. Somewhere deeper in the endless maze is another such person, standing at the centre of a wide platform bereft of monsters or chaos-creatures... a rest area, if you will. The woman smiles, checking something off on the long scroll in her hands.

Mysterious Woman

Welcome! I'm Helen. We sell necessities for travellers... oh, I'm sorry. Normally I only sell items for ED, but these are trying times. It's alright, let me see what you have and we'll work something out.

Leaving this place? I'm afraid that's outside of my control. I'm just a simple travelling merchant. You'd be better off trying to convince someone like Glave. He can be a bit troublesome, but he's not so bad once you get to know him.

Who would say no to free samples?

"Since you're helping Glave, why don't you take a couple of my potions? It's bad for business if my customers get hurt. If you give one of them to someone else, I'll consider that a favour to myself. Let me know how it goes, and I'll see what I can do to make Glave see reason." • Find a traveller in need and give them a healing potion! It tastes like Tylenol, but it sure does work. • Or just lie. Drink both of them yourself! What's the worst that could happen? • Show Helen that everyone is working hard to escape and she'll knock some sense into Glave.

You can't go to Elrios without a bit of whaling.

"Actually... there is something else you could help me with. I run a fishing business on the side, you see, and I've heard tales of a great Leviathan that roams this space. I've always wondered if other fish might've ended up here as well. I'll let you have this rod, and if you find anything that looks like a fish, let me know." • Go fishing... in space!! • There is no water here, it only kind of looks stupid. • If you keep at it for long enough, you might actually fish something up... or maybe you'll just hook one of the Chaos creatures. Try not to get killed! • What is that whale sound, anyway? Maybe you can bait it out...?

To submit quest results, please leave a comment here.

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[gentilitea]

It’s getting really, really hard to disconnect this situation from that strange dream-void world he’d been plunged into a while back, when he’d found Add in a room full of his own corpses.

The fact that Add’s mindscape would be a chaotic mess doesn’t surprise him, but sometimes it feels like the deeper he goes…

“Don’t you dare test me!” he snaps, not at all caring that they might attract the attention of those distant creatures. At least, not for the moment. Because right now, Add’s self-inflicted misery downright infuriates him, well beyond their interrupted schedule.

“As the supreme butler of the Far Shore”—a title he just totally made up on the spot—“I will clean up your infernal messes and I will ensure that you become a god worthy of your position!”

Vainly, he kicks at the air, trying to move them away from the direction of the monsters as he reaches into his vest with the hand not currently keeping Add in place. If he needs to fight, then he’ll need to be prepared, and make sure that Add’s safe and sound until they can find somebody here who knows what they’re doing. But instead they seem to spin backward, and something slips out of Jakob’s coat then.

It’s a little bag full of butter cookies, each one shaped and exquisitely frosted to look like cats. He’d taken to carrying them around recently to provide Add with refreshments during community service, as well as to offer them to Roxas from time to time.

[subtract]

"And how are you going to do that from all the way out here?"

The more Jakob tries to fight it, the worse their situation seems to become. They're still a long ways off from anything resembling danger, but they really are spinning off into the void now, the cube pathway they once stood on drifting further and further away with each rotation...

And now the cookies are spinning away in the opposite direction. Add doesn't seem to notice—his eyes are already closed, enjoying what little power he can grasp here.

"A god worthy of a position that doesn't exist... kukuku, perhaps we can call that a success, since there's nothing to accomplish. What a waste of time." He entertained the idea of lying and playing along, but he's no longer interested in that. Wouldn't it be better to break this lie apart while he has the chance? To see someone who cares about this other-him realize what a fool they've been, believing in the lies of an inhuman monster? If destroying hope is all he's good for, he might as well do Jakob a favour.

"There's no such thing as gods. The person you call 'Add' has been lying to you... he probably abandoned you here, too. Humans won't last long in a place like this. Whatever usefulness you had, looks like it's already run out, kuku."

[gentilitea]

Abandoned? By Add? Not if he knows what’s good for him.

With a grunt, Jakob whips a leg out, kicking that bag of cookies right in Add’s face.

“Shut up and eat your treats. I can hardly hear myself think with all your pointless nattering.”

Maybe in another time he would’ve given up in despair, but unfortunately Add’s created the precise conditions within which Jakob would never give up. Jakob had recalled memories of being abandoned in his former life, after all, and had seen Add at his worst besides. Being taunted now only makes him want to succeed out of spite.

Besides, now that they’re floating in the void like this, it gives Jakob an ideal vantage point to spot signs of other people in this godsforsaken realm.

All that remains is to drag them to the ground and make a run for safety. And while he might not be in his shinki form (nor would its powers be of much help in such a spoonless world as this), he’s not completely helpless all the way out here, even.

With a deep breath, he raises a hand in a gesture that would’ve been familiar to the Add of the Far Shore…

…And casts a borderline.

“Brace yourself!”

With both hands keeping a tight grip on Add Jakob performs a spinning midair kick against the barrier he’d just created, sending them ricocheting through the void.

[subtract]

There's a muffled noise of protest when Add takes a whole bag of cookies to the face. That's one way to shut him up, yeah.

Jakob is already doing a cool flip by the time Add recovers, clutching the (admittedly very cute, now that he's had a look at them) treats in both hands. If he wanted to interfere again, it'd be difficult to pull off now that they have some momentum going... fine, whatever. It's not like it really matters where in the void they go. He huffs, leaving the navigation up to Jakob. Try not to launch them into a space whale.

"Are you listening to me at all? Tch, even when I'm trying to be helpful..." Only Add thinks this is helpful, but that's the only opinion he cares about. At least he's given up on struggling. "There's no such thing as gods, and even if there was, there's nothing he's accomplished that couldn't be done by a human. Psychokinesis, teleportation, time travel... all of that is within the bounds of science, no divine power necessary. Only a gullible moron would fall for a story like that. If I'm not a god, then neither is he. Do you understand what I'm saying, or should I dumb it down even further?"

[gentilitea]

“I don’t care.”

Said brusquely as they ping-pong from shinki barrier to non-Euclidean geometries and whatever else is just floating around in this endless space, trying to force them both into some kind of momentum that steers them clear from the monsters and toward—

—that platform. He can see a few figures gathering around it. People. His Add would have felt a wave of sheer relief as Jakob aims his next borderline in Helen’s direction.

“I don’t care about gods,” he adds, quietly, as they descend toward that rest area. “Nor do I care about whatever it is you keep blabbering about. All I care about is doing my job.”

[subtract]

Add scowls, his confusion growing with each answer. He doesn't care about gods now, but he cares about his job about gods? It makes no sense. It can't be both.

He opens his mouth to try and argue again... only to finally notice where they're headed. It's too far to make out any faces, if it's anyone he knows, if it even matters, but—just thinking about it makes his stomach drop. Talking to people, this close to Elrios? What if it is someone he knows? What will they think if they see him like this?

A hint of panic is all it takes to renew his stubborn attitude. He has to stop this, no matter what—

Gravity shifts again, skewing them off course at high speeds... and directly into the face of another cube. How quick are Jakob's reflexes today?

[gentilitea]

He cares about Add, even if he’s not honest enough to say it outright. Especially not to this Add, who’s clearly determined to be brattier than usual. It’s taking all of Jakob’s patience and a not insignificant amount of his concentration just to keep from yelling at Add once again, and unfortunately that’s to his disadvantage.

Jakob hadn’t thought that Add would use his own determination against him. With a yelp as they’re veering off-course he quickly maneuvers Add away from the cube—

—only to smack into it face-first himself.

[subtract]

Somehow, he's still surprised when Jakob prioritizes Add's safety over his own... but the cookies are spared an unfortunate fate, so perhaps this was the best outcome. Aside from the one where Add isn't being a shit, anyway.

They slam into the cube, chains rattling and shaking against the strain. One of them is flung loose with a clatter... wait, why are there chains on this one? This thought briefly enters Add's mind as the cube starts to shudder, as if something inside is pulling against the remaining three chains holding it down.

... whatever, it's probably not important.

He takes this opportunity to finally free himself from Jakob's grasp, moving safely out of his immediate range (and ever-so-slightly out of view of the people below), grabbing the edge of the cube to keep from drifting off. He straightens himself out, scoffing confidently.

"Believe whatever you want, but you're still wasting your time. I'm not the failure of a 'god' you're looking for."

And that's where he should just backflip off into the void, never to be seen again, because obviously he's the one wasting his time trying to break through to Jakob... but he finds himself still hesitating. He glances down at the cute bundle in his hand, a flicker of something else beneath the scowl on his face.

"... What would I even need a butler for? Ridiculous. All you are is a knock-off Ciel."

[gentilitea]

Jakob doesn’t reply, the blow having momentarily knocked him out. As the cube shudders he’s floating off to the side, his entire body limp and at the mercy of the void as Add gloats at him.

It might have been better if they both went their separate ways.

But unfortunately, Jakob comes to a moment later, hipping out a hand to grab at a loose chain as he frantically searches the void for Add.

His small moment of relief is undercut by the sinking feeling that something especially awful is about to happen.

“Add! Get away from there at once!”

[subtract]

The shout startles him to attention, looking around like he's expecting some horrible monster to be right behind him... of course, there's nothing there. Just this big cube with three chains holding it in place. Totally normal void stuff. Add sighs, shoulders relaxing.

"Away from what? This thing?" And because he's a fate-tempting idiot, he gives the chain a good shake. "It's probably just one of Glave's—"

which is immediately followed by a muffled, inhuman roar, another shudder, and that chain suddenly flinging itself out of place at high speeds—along with Add.

[gentilitea]

“Add!”

Without hesitation he immediately yanks at his own end of the chain to swing around to Add’s side, letting go of it at the last second so that the momentum launches him straight into the void toward Add. At the same time he summons yet another borderline behind him, to shield them from whatever’s going to burst out of the cube even as he’s turning his back on it to stretch a hand toward Add—

looks at the calendar, roundabout starts playing--

[subtract]

Another roar rips through the empty air, and Jakob can feel reality starting to warp and bend behind him even through the borderline. The cube sways against its chains, an angry-something thrashing within... but the remaining two chains hold—for now, at least. The cube shrinks away into the distance, its roars falling silent even as the ripples continue to shake the void around them.

Add, on the other hand, in spinning off in the opposite direction, still holding a piece of the broken chain in one hand and the cookies in the other. He's more dazed than harmed, and it's not until Jakob is almost upon him that he notices he's still being followed. He stares back, bewildered, at the outstretched hand.

Why is everyone so persistent? He just can't understand it. All he wants is to be left alone.

The gesture isn't returned, but if he reaches just a little harder he could grab one of the stupid long chains on the back of Add's coat...

and he should do it soon, because that rippling continues to grow in intensity. Their momentum starts to tilt—towards a distant, glowing crack, cubes and shapes crumbling into it and vanishing.

<==To be continued=

[gentilitea]

Jakob stretches his arm out as far as he can, but it’s still not enough, his fingers just grasping shy of the chain…

Damn it. Is this really the end? Unable to retrieve Add and save him from whatever’s emerging behind him? Jakob doesn’t even have time to look at the damn cube, though he can feel the waves of its uncanny force rippling through the void, and he really doesn’t want to linger and find out what could be the cause of all that.

With a click of his tongue, he slips out a dagger from underneath his coat-sleeve, and uses it to finally hook into a chain link so he can grab it and get that much closer to Add—