onlinedragonsgame | Test Drive Meme #0

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Test Drive Meme #0

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Legend has it that the god Henir endured Ragnarok, and afterwards created a place where there is no limitation of time and space. Here, she is able to see the rise and fall of the world. Should you reach this place, by Henir's force, you are bound to face the enemies you have met in the past and those you are destined to meet in the future.

Henir's Time And Space

You awake into darkness, surrounded by impossible geometry and an unnerving thrum that fills the cold air. Strange shapes move in the distance, drifting between labyrinthine paths that bend and twist into an endless, senseless maze. Gravity seems to be merely a suggestion, and you'll quickly find that any surface is fine for walking on—sideways, upsidedown, it doesn't matter as long as you're not thinking too hard about it. In a world of raw chaos, the only rule that matters is your willingness to press on. Just don't step too carelessly—one wrong move, and you could end up spinning down (up?) into an endless abyss, lost forever in time and space.

The air is cold, and the longer you stay here the more it feels like that chill will never leave... this isn't a place where mortals should be. Regardless of how you arrived in this place, you'd best make your way back out soon.

... but you're not alone in this alien world. There are others here like yourself, and it never hurts to have a few allies in a strange place like this.

There are also a number of strange... objects? Creatures? Monsters? Whatever you want to call them, they're not terribly friendly and "speak" only in terrifying, unnatural screeches. They seem territorial, which is a problem in a world where space itself follows no logical sense. At least they seem to lose interest once a target it out of their sights(?), and they can be killed(??) if you hit them enough times with something sharp or heavy... if you can't defend yourself, it's better to just keep your distance. There's a lot of sharp edges on those weird things, they seem to be fully aware of that fact.

Somewhere off in the distance you can hear a whale-like cry, followed by a giant shadow that flies past too quickly to see... that one, you probably shouldn't try to fight.

Walking In Circles, Squares And Triangles

No matter which way you go, you never seem to make any progress in finding a way out... and eventually, even the senseless scenery starts to look familiar again. You're not going to get anywhere just by looking around.

But it's on this second pass through that you finally stumble upon something new. Seated comfortably in the middle of the path is a strange man in an iron mask, bound in rusted chains. He is holding... a very dainty tea cup, which appears to be completely empty. He looks up as you approach, waving in a friendly manner.

Mysterious Masked Man

Ah, there you are! I was starting to wonder if you'd died already. Come, come, take a seat. You must be tired from all that running around!

You're an adventurer, aren't you? Yes? No? Ah, well, it's never too late to start! Don't worry about the details. Hmm, let me try a different question... you want to leave this place, don't you? Henir's Time and Space isn't exactly friendly to ones like yourself. Besides, it's starting to get a little... crowded, one might say. I think it'd be beneficial to all of us if you and your little friends went somewhere else, don't you agree?

Kukuku, that's more like it. Why don't we make a deal? You do something for me, and I'll see to it that you can escape this place in one piece. That's fair, don't you think?

Hmm? Who am I? Oh, no one important! Not anymore, that is. You can call me Glave. Come find me again when you're ready. I'll gladly put you to work.

Introduce yourself to the locals!

"You see those shape-like creatures over there? They're not the best for conversation, but you could say they're the natives of this world. The long ones are called Chaos Triangle, and the ones that spin in place are Chaos Circle and Chaos Square. Why don't you start by introducing yourself? Of course, they respond best to acts of extreme violence, so you'd best go in prepared. When you're done playing, bring me back the core of each one and I'll give you something good."
• Defeat Chaos Triangle, Chaos Circle and Chaos Square.
• They're not the toughest of enemies to fight... but they can still smack you pretty hard, they have sharp edges, and they don't like strangers. You can't reason with them and they don't seem to understand speech. Also, the Triangles skitter. It's kind of creepy.
• After striking the final blow, the Chaos creatures will collapse into their polygonal components and leave behind their core (a sphere, cube, or pyramid). Bring back one of each to Glave to complete this quest.

I didn't lose my marbles, but...

"You're not much of a fighter, are you? Or maybe you're just pretending so you can get the easier job... kukuku, who am I to judge? Very well, not everything requires brute force to accomplish. Let's see... well, I did happen to drop something earlier. A pair of blue cubes, about an inch across each side. I think it was somewhere... oh, maybe over there? I'm busy at the moment, so how about you find them for me?"
• Find Glave's two missing cubes.
• His directions are awful to the point of being useless, and they blend in with all the other glowing blue surfaces around here. This might actually be impossible, but try your best.
• Was this a trick to make you go away while he bothered someone else? ... maybe! But hey, it wouldn't hurt to try, right? There's tons of blue cubes just floating around, so maybe you can just find a pair that's almost the same...

To submit quest results, please leave a comment here.

Lamp Oil? Rope? Bombs?

Glave's offer is tempting, if suspicious, but he's not the only one who seems familiar with this place. Somewhere deeper in the endless maze is another such person, standing at the centre of a wide platform bereft of monsters or chaos-creatures... a rest area, if you will. The woman smiles, checking something off on the long scroll in her hands.

Mysterious Woman

Welcome! I'm Helen. We sell necessities for travellers... oh, I'm sorry. Normally I only sell items for ED, but these are trying times. It's alright, let me see what you have and we'll work something out.

Leaving this place? I'm afraid that's outside of my control. I'm just a simple travelling merchant. You'd be better off trying to convince someone like Glave. He can be a bit troublesome, but he's not so bad once you get to know him.

Who would say no to free samples?

"Since you're helping Glave, why don't you take a couple of my potions? It's bad for business if my customers get hurt. If you give one of them to someone else, I'll consider that a favour to myself. Let me know how it goes, and I'll see what I can do to make Glave see reason."
• Find a traveller in need and give them a healing potion! It tastes like Tylenol, but it sure does work.
• Or just lie. Drink both of them yourself! What's the worst that could happen?
• Show Helen that everyone is working hard to escape and she'll knock some sense into Glave.

You can't go to Elrios without a bit of whaling.

"Actually... there is something else you could help me with. I run a fishing business on the side, you see, and I've heard tales of a great Leviathan that roams this space. I've always wondered if other fish might've ended up here as well. I'll let you have this rod, and if you find anything that looks like a fish, let me know."
• Go fishing... in space!!
• There is no water here, it only kind of looks stupid.
• If you keep at it for long enough, you might actually fish something up... or maybe you'll just hook one of the Chaos creatures. Try not to get killed!
• What is that whale sound, anyway? Maybe you can bait it out...?

To submit quest results, please leave a comment here.

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Jakob hurries toward him the moment he spots the prone figure, all thoughts of scolding him for this latest misadventure gone and replaced with sheer terror at the thought that Add may be injured yet again.

“Add! Are you all right? Can you hear me? Wake up, Add!”

He was content to just ignore everything and relax here for awhile... but someone starts shouting his name. That's a little harder to ignore. He cracks an eye open, half-sitting himself up to see...

He has no idea who this guy is.

Add frowns, not quite scowling but still annoyed at being disturbed. He's grown used to "strangers" knowing him by name... but it's odd that this face isn't even a tiny bit familiar to him. A total blank. He's almost certain they've never met, so why is he talking in that weirdly concerned tone?

It's grating on his nerves... but it could also mean something more dangerous. He hesitates, wording his answer carefully.

"Stop yelling so loud, do you want to attract a Leviathan? I'm fine, obviously."

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Fortunately, he has his healing staff with him at all times for just such emergencies—he doesn’t wholly trust Helen and her concoctions just yet. But after closer scrutiny, he decides it’s best to take Add’s word for it.

For now.

“Then what, pray tell, are you doing out here?”

Instead of fixing your latest blunder goes unsaid, but is very much implied.

Alas, such implications are completely lost on this Add. Since when has he done anything that jeopardized the fabric of timespace (recently)?? He hasn't even had access to most of his abilities, so obviously he wouldn't be a suspect for this.

What is he doing out here? He folds his arms, staying on the floor for now.

"I belong in this world, unlike you... so what are you doing out here?" hell yeah it's like he's a professional question-dodger over here

His eye twitches.

Right. He’s still going to try and give Add the benefit of the doubt here. But his patience is wearing thin the more time they spend away from the Far Shore and all that community service they still have to do.

“I’m here to take you home,” he says evenly, still struggling to keep his temper in check. Something seems vaguely off here—Add isn’t even doing anything. Not experimenting with something strange and dangerous, nor trying to fulfill a prayer. He doesn’t appear to be ill, and yet he’s listless in a way that makes Jakob’s gut run cold. The feeling’s rather close to the time he’d found Add in a room with a bunch of his bodies.

“Now if you would be so kind as to bring as both home, I might be persuaded to let you have dessert before dinner.”

He likes to think he's very smooth and good at lying, but as soon as Jakob says home... he stares, frozen in disbelief before his expression starts to cloud over. He was ready to bluff his way out of this, maybe even impersonate this other-him for awhile just to fuck with them, but now it just feels like a joke at his own expense. Is reality itself trying to make fun of him now? Is he just going to keep running into other Adds that somehow got off better than him until he goes insane?

It pisses him off, and whoever this guy is he doesn't want anything to do with him now. Fuck this other Add and his stupid friend and their "home". He scoffs, looking away.

"And what makes you think you have a right to boss me around? I like it here, so I'm going to stay. Figure it out on your own if you want to leave so badly. I don't need a moron like you telling me what to do."

That stare could mean anything: he could be sick, or trying to trick him, or shirking punishment, or he got hit by something terrible out here, or this could be an illusion, or he could have lost his memory and reverted back to being a shinki, or it could be an impostor, or perhaps Add’s made more duplicates of himself…

Ugh, narrowing it all down will take forever, especially with Add being so uncooperative!

“You don’t like it here,” he says with finality, crossing his arms like he means business.

“And furthermore, you’re coming with me. I can’t have you moping about in such an unsightly place as this.”

Wow??? Not only did he completely ignore what Add said, now he's telling him how to feel, too?? What an asshole. Add scowls and pulls in his legs so he can cross those too, look at how much he wants to stay in this exact spot. He LOVES the void! He could stay here for the rest of eternity, no problem!!

"If you want me to move, then go ahead and make me."

At that, Jakob crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. His glare isn’t quite withering, but it’s certainly profoundly unamused; and to that sass he replies in a deathly flat tone of voice with:

“I am going to give you five seconds to reconsider this little fit of yours.”

Before Jakob will straight up just pick him up and walk away, because he absolutely does not have time to deal with this!!

Please, who do you think he is? Add would never reconsider his poor life choices.

which is why the second thing that happens is Jakob picking his lightweight ass up. Add somehow didn't think it would end this way. He is stunned into silence for several seconds before he starts trying to thrash free like an angry cat.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Put me down!" is he over a shoulder? under an arm? he's going to bitch either way. "I'm not going anywhere! Leave me alone!"

Add’s slung over his shoulder, because Jakob needs to keep one hand free to deal with any of those strange monsters they might pass by.

It sure would be a lot more helpful if somebody just summoned his dynamos or something out here.

“Do try to keep still,” he says, knowing that it’s futile to even bother saying as much. Add’s going to have his tantrums no matter what, and Jakob’s already grimly resigned to the thrashing. He’ll just have to deal with all of these if they have to enter combat.

“I’ll put you down as soon as we return home. Really, you ought to have learned a little more dignity as a god by now.”

"As a what?" Part of him is still trying to playing along, but like... it's hard to ignore a statement like that. What the hell is this other Add up to? Telling people he's a god??

Obviously, he's been stringing this "friend" of his along for some reason, or he's completely lost his mind. He can't imagine a situation where it'd be a good reason... Add scoffs, thrashing slightly less now that it's clear who's the undeserving one here.

"If I'm a god, then you have even less of a right to throw me around like a sack of potatoes. Put me down now!"

“No.”

Now it’s his turn to scoff, because when has that line ever worked? If anything, Jakob keeps his grip nice and firm—you don’t end up doing all that community service and butlering for Add of all people without getting a little stronger for it.

“In fact, it’s my job to keep you from causing any further trouble, so I’ll thank you kindly to reflect on what you’ve done and send us back home, or you won’t be getting dessert at all.”

And he hopes that threat will be enough to disguise the fact that he’s very, very worried about all this, what with this strange but not unfamiliar nightmare world and Add’s condition and the fact that they’re running late for even more community service after that giant golem incident.

"I'm the god here, I'm in charge, not you!"

God, this is so weird. This other Add is definitely lying about himself, but is he really taking orders from this... weird butler? None of it makes sense. Insanity is the only explanation. That, or it's not an Add at all. Maybe a doppelganger pretending to be him? But he doesn't even do things that make sense with a disguise like that, so what's he trying to accomplish...?

Add growls, still struggling fruitlessly with both his escape and an explanation. It's too early to back down.

"Put me down or I'll smite you!" Is that what gods do?? He's pretty sure he's right.

Jakob scoffs at that.

“Don’t be absurd. You know threats will never work on me.”

If anything, he’ll take that as a challenge. Besides, if anyone’s getting any smiting around here, it’ll be Add if they don’t get back to the Far Shore in time. Jakob doesn’t really want to see all the favor and leniency he’d tried to curry from the ruling gods to go to waste.

He doesn’t want Add sealed away.

“And I don’t see why you keep trying to shirk your responsibilities when I’m doing most of the work, anyway.”

Alright, fine. Jakob wants to do this the hard way? They can do it the hard way. Just because he's lost some powers doesn't mean he can't be annoying.

Thus, Add is turning off the local gravity. Good luck trying to carry him away without the GROUND. They can spin off into the void for all he cares.

"Who said any of this is my responsibility? I already told you, I belong here."

“Augh! Put us down this instant!”

Ugh, of course Add would pull something like this! Nevertheless, Jakob keeps a firm grip on him as they begin floating into the void and Jakob attempts to swim through the air as though he might still find his center of gravity in a place that no longer has any.

Just his luck. If he’s worried about defending Add from those monstrous creatures living in the area while carrying him around before, then they’re practically sitting—spinning?—ducks here now.

“And stop saying you belong here! Nobody would willingly stay in a miserable place like this!”

"Oh? I thought it was your job to keep me from causing trouble. Is flapping your mouth the best you can do? Kekekekeke..."

Off into the abyss they go. Far in the distance, perhaps he can make out the squirming shapes of the void entities roaming about, the distant echo of ominous whalesong... Add, at least, finds it in him to relax a little, now that he's the one in control.

"Pathetic... it's no wonder you've already failed. This place... is where I always return to, in the end. A miserable place like this is where I belong. You never should've gotten involved."

He's already died once today. Would it really matter if he let the void consume them both? If there's a chance it'd make some other-him just as miserable...

It’s getting really, really hard to disconnect this situation from that strange dream-void world he’d been plunged into a while back, when he’d found Add in a room full of his own corpses.

The fact that Add’s mindscape would be a chaotic mess doesn’t surprise him, but sometimes it feels like the deeper he goes…

“Don’t you dare test me!” he snaps, not at all caring that they might attract the attention of those distant creatures. At least, not for the moment. Because right now, Add’s self-inflicted misery downright infuriates him, well beyond their interrupted schedule.

“As the supreme butler of the Far Shore”—a title he just totally made up on the spot—“I will clean up your infernal messes and I will ensure that you become a god worthy of your position!”

Vainly, he kicks at the air, trying to move them away from the direction of the monsters as he reaches into his vest with the hand not currently keeping Add in place. If he needs to fight, then he’ll need to be prepared, and make sure that Add’s safe and sound until they can find somebody here who knows what they’re doing. But instead they seem to spin backward, and something slips out of Jakob’s coat then.

It’s a little bag full of butter cookies, each one shaped and exquisitely frosted to look like cats. He’d taken to carrying them around recently to provide Add with refreshments during community service, as well as to offer them to Roxas from time to time.

"And how are you going to do that from all the way out here?"

The more Jakob tries to fight it, the worse their situation seems to become. They're still a long ways off from anything resembling danger, but they really are spinning off into the void now, the cube pathway they once stood on drifting further and further away with each rotation...

And now the cookies are spinning away in the opposite direction. Add doesn't seem to notice—his eyes are already closed, enjoying what little power he can grasp here.

"A god worthy of a position that doesn't exist... kukuku, perhaps we can call that a success, since there's nothing to accomplish. What a waste of time." He entertained the idea of lying and playing along, but he's no longer interested in that. Wouldn't it be better to break this lie apart while he has the chance? To see someone who cares about this other-him realize what a fool they've been, believing in the lies of an inhuman monster? If destroying hope is all he's good for, he might as well do Jakob a favour.

"There's no such thing as gods. The person you call 'Add' has been lying to you... he probably abandoned you here, too. Humans won't last long in a place like this. Whatever usefulness you had, looks like it's already run out, kuku."

Abandoned? By Add? Not if he knows what’s good for him.

With a grunt, Jakob whips a leg out, kicking that bag of cookies right in Add’s face.

“Shut up and eat your treats. I can hardly hear myself think with all your pointless nattering.”

Maybe in another time he would’ve given up in despair, but unfortunately Add’s created the precise conditions within which Jakob would never give up. Jakob had recalled memories of being abandoned in his former life, after all, and had seen Add at his worst besides. Being taunted now only makes him want to succeed out of spite.

Besides, now that they’re floating in the void like this, it gives Jakob an ideal vantage point to spot signs of other people in this godsforsaken realm.

All that remains is to drag them to the ground and make a run for safety. And while he might not be in his shinki form (nor would its powers be of much help in such a spoonless world as this), he’s not completely helpless all the way out here, even.

With a deep breath, he raises a hand in a gesture that would’ve been familiar to the Add of the Far Shore…

…And casts a borderline.

“Brace yourself!”

With both hands keeping a tight grip on Add Jakob performs a spinning midair kick against the barrier he’d just created, sending them ricocheting through the void.

There's a muffled noise of protest when Add takes a whole bag of cookies to the face. That's one way to shut him up, yeah.

Jakob is already doing a cool flip by the time Add recovers, clutching the (admittedly very cute, now that he's had a look at them) treats in both hands. If he wanted to interfere again, it'd be difficult to pull off now that they have some momentum going... fine, whatever. It's not like it really matters where in the void they go. He huffs, leaving the navigation up to Jakob. Try not to launch them into a space whale.

"Are you listening to me at all? Tch, even when I'm trying to be helpful..." Only Add thinks this is helpful, but that's the only opinion he cares about. At least he's given up on struggling. "There's no such thing as gods, and even if there was, there's nothing he's accomplished that couldn't be done by a human. Psychokinesis, teleportation, time travel... all of that is within the bounds of science, no divine power necessary. Only a gullible moron would fall for a story like that. If I'm not a god, then neither is he. Do you understand what I'm saying, or should I dumb it down even further?"

“I don’t care.”

Said brusquely as they ping-pong from shinki barrier to non-Euclidean geometries and whatever else is just floating around in this endless space, trying to force them both into some kind of momentum that steers them clear from the monsters and toward—

—that platform. He can see a few figures gathering around it. People. His Add would have felt a wave of sheer relief as Jakob aims his next borderline in Helen’s direction.

“I don’t care about gods,” he adds, quietly, as they descend toward that rest area. “Nor do I care about whatever it is you keep blabbering about. All I care about is doing my job.”

Add scowls, his confusion growing with each answer. He doesn't care about gods now, but he cares about his job about gods? It makes no sense. It can't be both.

He opens his mouth to try and argue again... only to finally notice where they're headed. It's too far to make out any faces, if it's anyone he knows, if it even matters, but—just thinking about it makes his stomach drop. Talking to people, this close to Elrios? What if it is someone he knows? What will they think if they see him like this?

A hint of panic is all it takes to renew his stubborn attitude. He has to stop this, no matter what—

Gravity shifts again, skewing them off course at high speeds... and directly into the face of another cube. How quick are Jakob's reflexes today?

He cares about Add, even if he’s not honest enough to say it outright. Especially not to this Add, who’s clearly determined to be brattier than usual. It’s taking all of Jakob’s patience and a not insignificant amount of his concentration just to keep from yelling at Add once again, and unfortunately that’s to his disadvantage.

Jakob hadn’t thought that Add would use his own determination against him. With a yelp as they’re veering off-course he quickly maneuvers Add away from the cube—

—only to smack into it face-first himself.

Test Drive Meme #0

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looks at the calendar, roundabout starts playing--

<==To be continued=